tisdag 13 december 2011

Dotterns första utkast...

Min underbart begåvade Tonåringen gav mej lov att publicera hennes första utkast till engelskauppsatsen hon nyss lämnat in. Det som jag publicerar här är den kopia som finns på min dator och hon påpekade att jag måste nämna att hon inte hunnit med att kolla vare sej grammatik, stavning eller fyllt ut handlingen ordentligt i det här utkastet. Det färdiga originalet vill hon behålla för sej själv och det respekterar jag!

On the other side

-Could I wear these? Jenna asked and looked at her jeans.

Her best friend, Alice, nodded her head.

-Of course you can! They look awesome!

Jenna smiled and grabbed her purse. She took a look in the mirror to see if she'd got her make up right and then walked down to the hall. Alice quickly followed her. They were going to the mall, like they do almost every Saturday.

They went out to Jenna's car and sat in it.

-If I was the one who had got this car for my sixteenth birthday I'd be so happy, Alice said.

Jenna giggled and looked at her friend.

-You want to drive, am I right?

Alice nodded her head.

-You're right. I really want to drive it. Can I? Please.

-Yes, Jenna answered. Of course you can!

So Alice drove the car down to the mall. When they arrived at the parking lot they met up with Jenna's boyfriend Jace. He was tall and looked really hot.

-Hi darling, Jenna said with her prettiest smile on her lips.

Jace took one step closer to her and looked at her face. Then he kissed her tenderly.

-Hello pretty, he said. What are you doing today? Are you here with Alice?

Jenna nodded her head.

-Yes, I'm here with Alice. We are going out shopping.

-Sounds great, Jace answered. I wish I could join, but it seems like you need some girl time together. He smiled and touched Jenna's hair.

-Yup. We're going to do girl stuffs, you'd probably not even want to join! She laughed and looked at Alice.

-I have to go now, Jace. See you later!

Jenna went to Alice and they started to walk towards the mall.

Inside the mall, there was a mirror floor. When Jenna and Alice stood on it, the lights started to flash. Suddenly everything turned pitch black and they couldn't see anything.

-Alice? Jenna asked. Can you see me?

Nobody answered and Jenna started to worry. Why didn't anyone answer her?

She felt how the floor started to shake, and it scared her even more.

-Hello? she yelled.

Since no one answered this time neither, she gave up. She had no idea of where she was or what had happened, but it didn't really matter anymore.

Out of the blue the floor disappeared under her feet. She felt like she was falling for years and years, and when she finally hit the ground she was so dizzy and so giddy that she could barely remember her own name.

After a short while Jenna got up on her feet and started to wonder where she was. She couldn't remember at once what had happened, but as the time passed by her memory came back.

She also began to feel scared again.

-Hello? she whispered with a shaking voice. Anybody there?

-I'm here, an unknown voice answered.

-Who are you? Jenna asked.

Suddenly a small boy appeared like out of the blue.

-Matty, he said and shook her hand. Your name is Jenna, right?

Jenna was surprised but she slowly nodded her head.

-Yes, I'm Jenna. How do you know?

Matty shrugged.

-Sometimes I just know stuffs.

-Must be a pretty good ability to have, Jenna said smiling.

-Most of the time. Matty shrugged again. He didn't seem very interested in Jenna and what she said.

Jenna looked around her. It was pitch black, but her eyes had got used to it and she could see a little bit. She noticed that everything was made of stone.

-Why are you here? Where are we? Jenna was very confused.

Matty laid a hand on her shoulder.

-Calm down, Jenna. I'll tell you, he said.

-Thank you, Jenna answered.

Matty smiled.

-We are in the land of Zakariah. I'm here because I have to. I live down here, you see.

-The land of Zakariah? Jenna asked. What is that?

-Our country, Matty answered. He looked at her with a face that told her she was stupid.

-I see, Jenna answered. But why am I here?

Matty shrugged.

-Can't tell you.

Matty turned the lights on and Jenna could see a big, heavy door. They walked towards it and Matty grabbed the old key that hung next to it. He unlocked the door and opened it.

-Ladies first, he said.

Jenna smiled and walked through the door. Matty was just behind her and they continued to walk for a long while.

Eventually they reached a small village.

-Is this your home? Jenna asked curiously.

Matty nodded his head.

-Yes, it is. He smiled. You want to know why we're here, right?

-Yes, I do.

-Okay. Then I'll tell you.

-Thank you, Jenna thankfully replied.

Matty smiled and pointed at a bridge made of stone.

-Let's go over to the bridge. I'll tell you there.

Jenna nodded her head thoughtfully.


They started to walk towards it, and as they walked Matty started to call for someone named Harriet.

-Who's this Harriet? Jenna asked when they reached the bridge.

-Harriet is... what can you say? She is our leader or something, Matty answered. Then he continued to call for her.

Jenna sat down on the bridge and looked at the village around her. It was kind of pretty, even thought it looked a bit cold and dark. It had some sort of a feeling, like “you're not welcome here”, but it was still pretty in its own little way.

-Harriet, for the last time! Matty yelled. Come out here!

Suddenly an old woman appeared next to them.

-Hello Jenna, she said and looked at her with a disgusted look on her face.

-Hi, miss...?

-Harriet. Just call me Harriet.

Jenna nodded her head.

-Hello Harriet.

Harriet turned to Matty and looked at him with a serious face.

-Well? What do you want me to do? she asked him.

-Tell Jenna why she's here and what she's supposed to do to get out. Please.

The old lady looked at him and rolled her eyes.

-Don't be silly Matty, she sarcastically said. You know I won't do that.

Matty looked down on the ground, like if he was ashamed.

-Don't do it then.

Harriet nodded her head.

-I'm glad you understand, young man. She turned to Jenna.

Jenna looked at her with a face that asked “what?”.

-Me and Matty should go now, Harriet said. Take care of you, girl.

Jenna nodded her head slightly.


Harriet snorted and looked at the girl as if she were stupid.

-If I was you, I wouldn't stay too long!

Harriet and Matty disappeared and Jenna found herself being lonely in a world that she didn't even knew if it existed or not. Suddenly the ground started shaking again, and Jenna went just as scared as before. However, she wasn't surprised when the ground disappeared and she fell.

This time she didn't fell for so long. Soon she hit the ground and opened her eyes. What a beautiful world! How come no one had told her about this before?

She rose up and walked towards a building that she saw.

-Hey! Don't walk away already, someone yelled behind her.

She turned around and saw a little girl with braids in her hair and a red dress.

-Is your name Jenna? the girl asked.

Jenna nodded her head. Then she looked at the girl.

-Why does everybody know my name?

-Our leader gave us information about that you were coming, she nonchalantly said and shrugged.

-Okay, then I see. What's your name, by the way? Jenna asked.

-My name is not important right now, the girl replied. What's important is you and the mission you are going to do.

-What mission? Jenna asked confused.

-Don't interrupt me when I speak, the girl said. Do you see the tower over there? she asked and pointed at a big building.

Jenna nodded her head.


-Good, the girl smiled. We are going over there. When we are there you have to walk in through a secret door. Then you have to find a treasure and bring it to the king. It isn't harder than that!

-How do I find the treasure? Jenna asked desperately.

-You'll get a map of course, silly! The girl shrugged and laughed.

They started to walk towards the tower and as they walked they met a dwarf.

-Good day young ladies, he said polite.

-Hi, Jenna said.

The girl looked at him with a begging look on her face.

-The map?

-Oh, yes. The map! the dwarf said and gave it to her.

-Thank you, she said and smiled. She turned to Jenna. Now let's continue to walk.

When they finally arrived outside the tower the girl showed Jenna the secret door.

-Are you ready for your mission? she asked.

Jenna shook her head.

-Not really. But I have to do it anyway, am I right?

-Yes. You're right. You have to do it.

Jenna swallowed and nodded her head.

-I hope I can do it!

-You can, the girl assured her.

The girl handed Jenna the map and Jenna walked trough the door. It wasn't hard to follow the map. She walked trough different rooms and hallways for a long time. At last she reached the final door. The door was the only thing that prevented her from reaching the treasure at the moment.

She took the big, rusty key that hung next to the door and opened it. She walked into the room and easily found the treasure; an old golden crown.

She hurried to it and took it in her arms. Then she followed the map back to the girl, and while walking she wondered why the whole thing had been so easy.

Once outside again the girl lead her to the king's castle.

As she handed the crown to the king she asked why he couldn't have got it himself when it was so easy to reach.

-You see, the king answered. There is a curse over the tower. No one from this world can enter it and still be in this world. Many people have tried to go in there through the decades to get my crown, but they've all disappeared clueless. The only solution was to get someone from your world to come here and do it.

-Why is the crown so important for you? Jenna asked.

-Without it I don't have the power to lead my people. You want to go home now, Jenna, right?

Jenna nodded her head.

-I'd love to go home!

The king smiled and waved his crown. A portal appeared next to Jenna.

-Go ahead, walk through it, the king said.

She hesitated for a while and thought of everything that had happened the last hours.

-Good bye, she said. It has been a pleasure to help you and to come visit this wonderful world.

-Good bye, Jenna, the king replied. You can come visit at any time, using this ring. He handed her a beautiful ring that fit her finger perfectly.

Jenna walked into the portal. It felt like if she was flying trough water. Suddenly everything turned black for a while and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again she was back at the mall. Jace was standing in front of her.

-Jenna, he said. Are you okay?

-Yes, she answered. I'm fine. She looked at her hand to see if the ring was still there. It was.

Jace smiled and hugged her. Then he let go of her and looked sad.

-Alice died.

-What? Jenna shouted out loud.

-Calm down honey, it'll be all right, Jace whispered.

Jenna shook her head as her eyes got filled with tears.

-It won't. Alice will never come back, and... She started to cry uncontrollably.

Jace hugged her again.

-It'll be all right.

Hoppas att ni, liksom jag, uppskattade en liten historia så här på kvällskvisten (eller morgonen, eller mitt på dagen ;) )... Jag tycker, helt opartiskt, att min dotter "rockar"!!! =D

2 kommentarer:

BP sa...

N rockar fett!!!
Herregud tjejen är ju bara 14 år!!! Hennes engelska är ju i det närmaste PERFEKT!!! Å då "betygsätter" jag inte ens storyn.
Om hon inte får MVG med tre plus - skjut läraren!!!

PS. Berätta gärna vilket betyg hon fick. Den tjejen rockar verkligen fett - å då är jag helt opartisk:-) DS

Sussi - Fullt upp i mammalivet! sa...

Gud vad bra skrivet! Jag vill veta mer ;)